Talking to a friend who was desperate for a romantic partner, I gave what I thought was pretty good advice:
Work on becoming the best version of yourself, otherwise you might meet the right person and not be ready for them.
I think there are much better ways to communicate this. My words were still focused on the negative aspect of what is actually a very positive thing:
If you get the rest of your life in order, the right person will come along.
That’s better, but I think the Abraham Hicks material is better still:
The person you desire is over there waiting for you; but you’re not going over there because you’re so firmly focused on all the things you don’t like and don’t want.
That’s paraphrasing and we can add more:
If they met you right now they probably wouldn’t like you, because you don’t even like you. You’re sending out a distress signal thinking a partner will come in and rescue you…but that’s not the kind of relationship you really want…
And so on.
Everything is like this
It’s not just about romantic partners, everything is like this.
When I was younger I unwittingly used this approach to meet my wife, find a job, and buy my first car.
In hindsight I can see how it all worked. The key is that I believed the outcome I wanted was inevitable, and with that trust and assurance I got on with other things.
I went from an attitude of need and urgency to one of inevitability and curiosity.
I know I’ll meet the right person…I wonder what the right person looks like?
It’s inconceivable that there’s no job for me out there, I’ll recognise it when I see it, and if that’s the case I bet it’s going to be something unique and appealing.
But at some point I got too world-weary and thought I knew all the possibilities. I let go of my own freedom in exchange for pessimism and a cynical kind of knowing “how the world works”.
Be ready for your life
The life we want to lead is out there too and it’s up to us to be ready for it.
Ready means: being happy, enjoying life, being healthy, taking care of ourselves, looking out for others, and being the kind of person we think we would be if we had the kind of life we wanted.
Because all the time spent worrying about unwanted aspects of life is actually time spent being a person we don’t want to be.
And that worrying, negative, pessimistic person will create a reality that matches.