Divided minds

How can we be unaware of our own conflicting wants and intentions?

I want to feel good, but part of me doesn’t want to. Part of me thinks feeling good is pointless without the power and control and knowledge to protect oneself from others.


I’ve encountered these internal divisions before but now I have a way to explain it.

There is no actual division, just momentum.

I have old thoughts about needing to be in control and how vain it is to feel happy without the power to ensure it. These thoughts have momentum, and they pull in a different direction from my new thoughts about happiness and feeling good.

These old thoughts were fairly intense, but momentum is just momentum. As I change my thoughts the new direction becomes stronger and eventually will dominate.

False premises

It can help to recognise that my old thoughts are based on a premise I no longer agree with.

I no longer believe that life just happens to us through circumstances largely beyond our control. Instead I think we create our reality, our experience through our focus and attention.

So while I used to think the best I could do was to develop self-control to resist the infringements of a hostile environment, now I think the best I can do is focus in the direction of thoughts and feelings that feel good, because this is the key to recreating my environment.

Don’t lose hope. Momentum is gradually dispelled and false premises are abandoned. It won’t all happen at once, but with persistence it will happen.

This blog post itself is an expression or reflection of the change in my thoughts’ momentum too. Feeling good has become powerful enough that the conflict with my old thoughts rose to the surface naturally!

Persist in feeling better! It may take a while but the change is inevitable. And then you will get to experience the joy of focusing with a unified mind and thoughts.

Missing my happiness

Okay, I admit I’m feeling less happy now that my Happiness Challenge is over.

Focusing on happiness every day really did make me happier.

It gave me discipline but also momentum and most importantly it kept me oriented to a positive goal.

Each time I wrote something I would feel for whether it was bringing me closer to happiness or not.

Now that it’s over I feel less sure of what to write, and I’ve found myself mulling over ideas that don’t feel good.

At the same time don’t want to just pick up where I left off. I want more than before!

So I’m going to pick a new, more specific, goal and focus on that for thirty days or so.

It could be something like “enjoy every moment” or “appreciate each moment”. I like goals that are extreme and totally encompassing, because they help keep me honest and motivated.

Or if it’s day by day I could pick “feel good all day”.

Actually I like that one. Let’s give it a try!

Count Your Blessings Day 4

Gaining momentum.

Real life is interfering with my blogging!

We visited friends for three hours with their one year old boy this morning, and then visited my in-laws for another couple of hours.

The day seemed to go by fast.

Just before dinner an old friend dropped by and we had a great conversation over a beer or two. Totally unexpected but a wonderful surprise, just the sort of thing I’m expecting to appreciate more often!

I had lots of cool insights today into subjects that are important to me, and I’m almost too tired to post at all.

I’m adjusting to the higher energy of a more active life. It’s the complete opposite of my past approach, where I’d tried to eliminate distractions to better focus on solving my problems.

My positive momentum continues to grow. It’s both more “normal” than I’d expected and yet a completely out-of-character kind of development for me.

For example, while visiting my in-laws, my son told me his daily step count on his Fitbit. Everyone else was busy, so on impulse I decided to go for a walk with him around the neighbourhood to get his count higher.

The walk wasn’t amazing or full of surprises, but it was a nice change, and what it shows is the threshold for inspiration and spontaneous action is getting lower and lower for me.

More and more small things like this are happening to me. New ideas, fresh inspiration, all made possible by an attitude of openness stemming from a positive expectation of life.