Letting go 10: Insecurity

I sometimes get hit by feelings of insecurity, and I’d like to change that. So in this post I’ll go through some of the Abraham-Hicks teachings options to shift the insecurity.

1. Distraction

I can stay off the subject of insecurity and just focus on something that feels better.

2. Change my thoughts

I can look at my thoughts relating to insecurity and try to soften them. For example: instead of feeling insecure, i can start by framing it as not feeling as secure as I’d like. Even small shifts like this make the subject easier and softer to work with.

3. Times I do feel secure

I can think of times that I do feel secure and use those as a kind of touchstone. For example: I feel secure when I have a reason or purpose to justify my presence. So maybe I could look at my overall reason or purpose for existing?

4. Visualisation

I can imagine what I would act and feel and think like if I felt completely secure. If I can imagine it, I can practice it. And with practice it can become normal for me.

What these four methods show is that there are multiple ways to shift how we feel on a subject. Some methods might appeal to us more than others, but there’s no single way.

At the same time what they all have in common is to feel better. The goal is to feel better and the method is to feel better.

Insecurity is one expression of resistance. If we release our resistance, we naturally feel better.

Complications

But be mindful of complications. On an issue like insecurity we can get caught up thinking we need to justify ourselves; the process of shifting our thoughts can inadvertently become an “effort” that seeks to earn our security.

That’s how people get stuck in these and other teachings, as processes designed to help us feel better become burdens that reinforce a sense of unworthiness and struggle.

So don’t do that.

It shouldn’t be a struggle, and it should feel less bad immediately.

Let’s do it right now

My Achilles’ heel is in searching for deeper wisdom and spiritual insight to give me more value and control over my life. So with that in mind, I need to be mindful of when the processes are helping me feel better and when they’re just feeding this action pathway.

The proof is in how it feels: it should feel immediately better.

So if I persist with method 3 and look for my reason or purpose for existing, it should be an affirming and positive reason, not a bleak or unfeeling one.

In fact that’s probably why I feel insecure: I’ve accepted already that my reason for existing has nothing to do with happiness or meaning or fulfilment. I’ve taken it a priori as an impartial and detached universe.

The answer is therefore to feel better about my reason for existing, and to acknowledge that my reason for existing must be one that feels good.

After all, there are any number of possible reasons for existence that we can choose from. My old belief that existence (and God) was detached and remote and cold probably just suited how I felt generally back then.

So in conclusion, I feel insecure at times because I’ve believed my existence has no real reason, purpose, or justification beyond what I myself can scrape together.

It’s an old belief from when my whole worldview was more bleak and depressing. But I can see it now with the perspective of recent years and a commitment to happiness.

I think my purpose for existing is to enjoy my life in the unique circumstances and experiences of my individual being. That means happiness is the point of my life, and, like every other being in creation, I don’t need any further justification beyond the fact of my existence right here and now.

Accepting love without earning it

Many of us grow up feeling that our place in the world is not assured, that love and happiness must be earned or accomplished.

We look for ways to please others or keep our own hope alive – the thought that being different, becoming more or better will bring us the love we desire.

As adults it can be hard to disentangle being loved as we are from these patterns of behaviour that are all about being loved for what we do or who we hope to become.

In relationships we tune out the love that is already there, and focus instead on our own promises and ideals about the person we want to be.

Love and momentum

Even if we are loved for who we are, our own self-image may be tied up with “being better”.

We are carried by the momentum of old stories in which we imagined ourselves being more successful, more attractive, more loveable in any number of ways.

But in most cases the people who actually love us don’t know those stories and don’t care either. People love us not for our promise of who we are going to be; they love us for who we have been the whole time.

If we really want to feel that love, it has to start with us. We have to begin thinking thoughts about how loveable we already are, and always have been.

We need to appreciate that we have always been loved in our very essence, quite apart from our qualities and attributes.

And it helps a whole lot to know that who we are in essence is love. Our innermost being is an extension of divine love. Love is less a condition of how others relate to us and more a condition of our very existence.

When you charge your phone you don’t think about whether your phone deserves electricity or not. You charge it because that’s what it needs to function.

Your heart doesn’t beat because you’ve earned it. It beats because that’s what life is.

And this is what love is too: it’s the feeling of life within you, the spiritual essence of your existence here. Love is the greater part of your being, and it’s focused right now and always on your physical experience.

Emotional guidance

In fact that’s why it felt so bad in the first place: the very thought that we might not be worthy of the love we had enjoyed naturally as small children. It’s the falseness and disharmony of this thought that caused us such strong emotional guidance to the contrary.

The more we thought “I’m not good enough”, the worse we felt.

And in that awful feeling of emptiness arose the idea of changing ourselves until we were good enough.

But that just adds more plans and strategies on top of the initial falsehood. We don’t feel bad because we aren’t loved; we feel bad because we keep focusing on thoughts that feel bad, thoughts like “I’m not good enough”.

And the answer isn’t quite “I am good enough”, because love was never something we earned.

Love is natural. Love is who I am. Love is part of my being. Love is the precondition of my existence. Love is my starting point, my foundation. Love is always present to me. Love is the source of my being.

There is nothing I need do. There is nothing asked of me. There is nothing required for love to flow, except that I allow it.