What are desires?

Bonus post!

In the Abraham-Hicks teachings preferences and desires are central.

The basic framework is “ask and it is given”:

1. Experience of contrast causes us to launch “rockets” of desire, consciously or not.

2. Source/inner being immediately expands to become a vibrational match to our desires.

3. We allow ourselves to keep up with the expansion of our inner being, and thereby become a match to our desires too.

Step 1 and 2 happen automatically and immediately. We can’t help but launch these rockets of desire and preference all the time, and our inner being becomes a match in that same moment.

From a vibrational standpoint our desire is already granted. But step 3 depends on us, our free will and control of our attention and focus.

If we focus in alignment with our inner being then we are a vibrational match and our physical reality will change to reflect our vibrational reality.

But if we focus out of alignment, this misalignment is reflected in our physical reality instead.

What A-H calls “the art of allowing” is learning to focus on things that feel good, stay in alignment, and therefore easily go with the expansion of our inner being.

What is desire?

Not that we need to know this, but it’s so cool I wanted to share it.

Recently I heard A-H describe in passing how brief most of our moments of alignment are before we throw ourselves into misalignment once more.

So brief in fact that they describe our desires as “rockets”; because desires are in fact moments of pure alignment.

Desire is a brief instance of alignment called forth and allowed by us in response to contrasting experience.

Desire is not yearning or need or hunger – it’s a moment of calling on our inner being with clarity and purpose in response to contrast. It could be so brief we don’t notice it, or it could be big enough that we begin calling on it more and more.

So it makes sense why step 1 and step 2 are so effortless and close together: the moment of asking is the moment of answering.

We wordlessly ask and the asking is itself an invocation of our inner being’s power – grace.

That is why desires feel so good! They are the crack in our resistance through which the light streams in.

But most of us turn away from that light and focus on the darkness. “How is this desire going to be fulfilled? How can I make it happen? It doesn’t seem very realistic! I’ve never heard of this kind of thing happening easily. I really wish it would happen! I need it to happen!”

We end up focused negatively on the subject rather than positively on the desire.

And yet the desire is already its own answer. Vibrationally the desire already feels good if we don’t squelch it wig resistant thoughts.

That is the art of allowing – to not squelch and stifle our good feeling thoughts and desires with bad feeling ones.

Doesn’t matter how “true” or “justified” those bad feeling thoughts feel. If you feel bad you are focused out of alignment and you cannot share in the joy and freedom and expansion of your inner being.

So if you can feel good about your desires, then do that. If you can’t, then find anything else to feel good about, or better, or less bad, or just relief.

You don’t ever need to focus on your desires because your inner being has already become them. You just need to find your way into alignment, and that’s the path of caring a out how you feel and finding a way to feel better.

It’s a game…15!

Just find feelings of relief.

The whole point of alignment is to see things the same way that your inner being sees them.

In that sense it’s incredibly simple. Your inner being sees both the wanted and unwanted in your experience but only ever focuses on the wanted.

If you could always focus on the wanted you too would feel good and your life would change for the better.

But if you’ve been feeling very bad for a long time it can be difficult to even imagine or find thoughts about the wanted aspects of life.

Look at my example: I struggled to genuinely feel good about things in my life, and it turned out my underlying thoughts were incredibly bleak – thoughts full of hate and resentment to life and opposition to my own existence!

It’s a bit like wanting to have more money, but also thinking money is the root of all evil and should be avoided. A bit of a conflict.

So you feel really bad, and you struggle to find positive or inspiring thoughts. The answer is to simply look for thoughts or things that bring a feeling of relief, and keep on allowing yourself to feel relief.

Relief is how it feels when you move in a more positive direction from a negative starting point. Relief will help you get from the most negative feelings of powerlessness gradually tending in the direction of contentment.

Relief is the feeling of just letting the current carry you.

Relief is always right and it always works.

It’s a relief to know that I create my reality.

It’s a relief to know that my inner being is pure positive energy.

It’s a relief to know that I don’t have to do anything or make any effort.

It’s a relief knowing that all my desires are fulfilled.

It’s a relief knowing that relief is always the answer.

It’s a game…13!

Omens and miracles.

Yesterday I had an omen. Walking home with my daughter in the morning we came across a scene.

A cyclist and a local resident flagged me for help. It turned out that a mother duck with eight or nine ducklings had lost several of them down a storm-water drain.

She wouldn’t leave them, and the ducks couldn’t get out. The grate was far too heavy to lift without the right tools, and even if we could lift it how could we catch four little ducks down a one metre diameter drain?

The woman decided to call the RSPCA and our rescue party disbanded. As I told my mechanic on the way home: there was nothing we could do. He replied “you mean you did everything you could do.”

Right – it just happened to be nothing.

To me this was so clearly an omen but I had no idea what it meant.

Then today I was doing an exercise on reprocessing traumatic experiences. The idea is to identify aspects of your past experiences that still inform how you feel about yourself in the present. Thoughts like “I’m weak,” or “I’m powerless” and so on.

The next step is to ask what you would prefer to believe about yourself in that past experience instead.

I came up empty. I couldn’t really see a positive aspect to an experience of powerlessness.

And then I thought of the ducklings. Yesterday’s omen.

“I did everything I could”…and it wasn’t “nothing”.

I did everything I could. I didn’t have the right tools for the job. I wasn’t actually powerless, I did everything I could.

Given the circumstances I did everything that I could do, anything anyone could reasonably do.

That’s such a shift in perception. I’m not weak or powerless. Sometimes there’s just not a lot you can do.

This morning on the walk to school the ducks were gone, and the heavy grate showed signs of having been lifted out and replaced. All the dirt and debris had shifted and the edges were clean and clear.

I like to think the RSPCA got someone out to rescue them. It certainly looked that way. Isn’t it nice that there are people willing and able to do things like that?

As for me I’m just so appreciative of the message or omen that was given to me. It’s just such a clear signpost of the path I’m on and the way my life is changing as I find alignment with my inner being and let go of the resistance I’ve been carrying.

It’s a game…11!

Imagine if you just found out you’d won $50 million dollars, and you went about your usual day not telling anyone, just feeling totally relieved at peace, excited and blissful.

People would notice and your day would be different, not because of the money but because you’d allowed yourself to feel good, using the money as an excuse to not care about anything else.

When Abraham-Hicks tells people to find the feeling-place of their desires, this is exactly what they mean. Because what we want is the feeling, first and foremost. But the feeling doesn’t come objectively from money or other conditions.

The feeling comes from allowing and alignment. Allowing yourself to align with your inner being, which is pure positive energy.

After all, if the money came like that your blissful feeling would not last. Your usual attitude would reassert itself. That’s why conditional happiness is so fragile and unattainable.

What we really need is to find the happiness that comes from alignment with your inner being. Because your inner being is the purely positive being that created your physical self, and sustains it always.

Your existence is not designed for conditional happiness. It’s designed to experience contrast, and launch new desires and preferences for the sake of your inner being’s expansion.

Why does the thought of winning so much money feel good? Not because of the money itself – you don’t have that yet – but because you are finally aligning with your inner being’s attitude of ease and freedom and power and possibility.

With that much money you would be free from most economic and many social constraints. A lifetime’s worth of unpleasant thoughts about study, work, income, effort and struggle would be immediately irrelevant. That is why it feels good! People would treat you differently and you would treat yourself differently, or so you imagine.

These imagined benefits are already your inner being’s experience. It has never taken on any burdensome thoughts nor denied itself any of the love and appreciation that are its essence.

Every desire and preference you have can be seen in terms of the good feeling it inspires: love, joy, freedom, expansion, belonging, authenticity; and the reason these feel good is that they are a match to your inner being already.

Your inner being never bought into the dismal world you accepted. That’s why you feels so bad, because it’s so far away from the reality your inner being – your Source, God, the greater part of you – inhabits.

Every time you allow yourself to feel relief, to feel less bad, to feel better – no matter what thought helps you feel it – you are coming more into alignment with your inner being and that is why it feels good.

Keep finding the sure path of relief relief relief, less bad less bad less bad, better better better, and one day it will be good good good. Relief is the path that will take you fully into alignment if you practice it.

It’s a game…10!

When I used to read fantasy books as a kid I’d imagine myself in one of those worlds and invariably I’d end up wanting to be a magician or a sorcerer or wizard.

Not just because they were the most powerful…but because their power implied a complete understanding of how reality really works.

Recently it dawned on me that this is what I really want, and what I am looking for in the Abraham-Hicks material.

While I want abundant wealth and a beautiful home and good relationships and health, what I truly desire is to understand and master my relationship with reality itself.

For a long time I’ve felt there’s something “off” in my relationship with reality. Something I wasn’t understanding or something I’d misunderstood.

In A-H terms I’ve learned that it’s really a three-way relationship: my physical self, my inner being, and reality.

I want to heal this relationship. Along the way I’ve learned that my physical self is the creation of my inner being. I exist as a point of focus for experiencing physical reality, but the greater part of me is non-physical.

I’ve also learned that reality reflects the vibrational point of attraction for both my inner being and my physical self.

My inner being is always positive. It’s a vibrational match for all my desires and preferences, and while it is aware of my whole experience it never focuses on the unwanted or negative aspects.

When my physical self and my inner being are aligned in their focus I experience this alignment in the form of good feeling emotions. But when my physical self focuses towards unwanted or negative things it becomes misaligned with my inner being and I experience that misalignment as negative emotion.

So while my inner being is always attracting pleasing, satisfying, desirable conditions to itself, my physical self has the potential to attract unpleasant, unwanted, undesirable conditions. My reality is the culmination of these elements.

What I really desire is to have clarity in this relationship with my inner being and reality, to truly understand what works and what doesn’t. I want to be clear and knowing in myself at every moment whether I am allowing my inner being to dominate, or resisting it with misaligned focus.

While people avow having changed their lives for the better using the A-H teachings, for me a change for the better entails the repair, restoration, and satisfying mastery of this relationship at the core of my existence.

Your interpersonal self

When you grow up feeling dominated by the expectations and pressures of others it is easy to lose yourself in that interpersonal space.

In the interpersonal space they use a different currency. Things you don’t really care about become important, and you feel a pressure to be somebody in the eyes of others. Or at least not be nobody.

But when it comes to your real self, interpersonal currency is not legal tender. Your real self doesn’t give a fuck about all the things you’ve been striving for and struggling to maintain in that interpersonal space. Your real self doesn’t care about who you hope to become, or how your dreams will change everything for you.

Polarised extremes

If you experience this massive contrast between your interpersonal self with its plans and striving and motivation, and your real self whose down-time consists of wanting to block everything out and just avoid difficulties, then it can seem impossible to reconcile the two.

You’ve carried on such a convincing public performance, you’ve fooled even yourself into thinking these goals of yours will bring you happiness. How can you possibly stop right now and let people see that you simply don’t give a crap? That your number one motivation in life is to avoid trouble as much as possible. That the things that seem to excite and please others barely move you.

I don’t know the answer yet. But I think this sense of polar opposites, night and day, is exacerbated by the division. Your real self is extra disagreeable and uninspired because it’s been so alienated and suppressed.

Your real self has no apparent interests or purpose because it’s been drowned out by interpersonal ones for so long.

So it may seem like too big a change to suddenly give your real self more air time, to bring your dour self with you into your life. But even though it feels poorer in all the values and virtues you’ve tried to bring to please others, it has something your interpersonal self will never have: alignment, authenticity, acceptance, and therefore the seeds of genuine love and joy. Not the joy you thought you’d feel when you were finally good enough in the eyes of others. Not the love you thought you’d find when you met the standards you learned from those around you.

You’ve been playing with shiny, glittering fake currency. Your actual wealth doesn’t look like that, but it’s real. Real enough to let you give up at last on chasing approval and validation out there.

Pleasing others, denying ourselves

This Abraham-Hicks excerpt explains how we end up feeling bad while trying to please others:

“Because the source within you adores you so much! There is nothing that is more disabling than focusing in ways that disagree with the way the source within you feels. You didn’t make that up…there were other people outside the vortex that trained you how to think about yourself. When there’s somebody outside the vortex they feel awful, and when they look at you, they feel awful. And then you say, oh something must be wrong with me because they’re lookin’ at me and they feel awful…I wish that I could behave in a way that when they look at me they would feel wonderful…and you tried…you gave that everything you had…but you just couldn’t behave in enough ways to make them feel wonderful could you, and so then your assumption was something must be wrong with me…which is the biggest flawed premise in the whole universe! And the source within you never agreed with that.”

I think this is where things go wrong for many of us, typically as children. We feel there is something wrong with us and we have to change so that others can feel better.

This idea that we are responsible for how others feel is like a noxious weed. It can take years to recognise that denying our own alignment for the sake of pleasing others is a flawed strategy that leaves us utterly depleted.

Some of us build our whole persona around the premise of pleasing others – or at least trying not to displease them. Life feels inauthentic and empty, because, as Abraham-Hicks puts it in another context:

“people have trained each other, people have trained you, they’ve said to you if you behave in this way i will love you and so you just knocked yourself out being lovable, you knocked yourself out being lovable, but you weren’t knocking yourself out being in alignment. so you never felt the love that you thought you were eliciting from others, that’s why it’s so confusing, you see.”

The love and happiness we sought can only come from alignment, and that’s as true for others as it is for us.

Inspiration, expectation, validation

The feeling I’ve been writing about and calling inspiration is everything I’ve ever wanted to feel, and therefore the reason for every manifestation I’ve ever desired, every preference I’ve ever formed in response to life’s circumstances.

Feeling inspired is so nice. And to make it complete, it’s time to start expecting life to reflect this inspired feeling in me.

Expectation means knowing and believing that manifest reality must respond to my alignment with God, my inner being.

And it has. Last night things just unfolded so smoothly and easily. My timing was perfect, small things happened that I really enjoyed and appreciated.

These changes match my expectation that by feeling good I’m allowing God’s blessings and graces to flow into my experience more than before. Or better yet: feeling inspired is the sign that I’m allowing these blessings to flow, and everything else must follow.

Best of all, these manifestations validate the good feeling inside me. They complete my expectation that my alignment – indicated by how I feel – is everything in my reality. They demonstrate to my own satisfaction that this is indeed how it works, I do create my reality and my feelings are guidance as to my alignment with Source, and with everything I desire.

At the same time, this beautiful unfolding of inspiration into expectation, and the validation of life’s response is a self-fulfilling prophecy. I’m inspired because I’ve finally realised that’s how I want to feel and I’ve let go of obstacles to feeling it.

I expect life to change to reflect my inspiration, and having the expectation is what allows me to receive those changes.

And looking forward to validation is what allows me to recognise the validation pouring in. None of this can happen to a hostile observer. None of this can come into to “prove” against our convictions to the contrary.

Allowing inspiration, allowing expectation, and allowing validation; it’s a virtuous circle.

Seeing the best in others

The greatest help we can be to others is to not join them in their misaligned thoughts.

Sometimes we find ourselves thinking that other people need our help. They need to be rescued, assisted, and it is our job – our responsibility – to make them feel better.

But this has to be false.

We create our own reality, and our emotions are a direct response to the thoughts we are focused upon.

When other people feel bad, it is because they too are focused on misaligned thoughts.

If we are noticing other people feeling bad, it is not up to us to make them feel better. In fact, if we are noticing that they feel bad it most likely means that we too are focusing on misaligned thoughts.

If you love someone and you believe God is with them, and you know they have their own journey and their own inner guidance and their own inner being constantly showering them with love and appreciation, then what exactly is the problem?

Rescuing people

Some of us grow up with patterns of thought where we feel accountable and responsible for the happiness of others.

The flip side is that we are always on the look-out for other people’s displeasure and unhappiness, with the disempowering premise that they can’t feel better without outside help.

It’s an unhealthy need to be needed and fear of being hated or blamed. But it doesn’t have to persist in us because it is only some thoughts with a bit of momentum.

No one needs rescuing

No one needs rescuing, no one can be rescued.

Everyone has access to the same relationship with God, and none of us is the special conduit of grace for anyone else.

We need to look past the appearance of their neediness and struggle, and recognise that this is really a matter of our own perception and our own thoughts about them.

If you feel bad about someone else’s struggle you are the one feeling bad. And trying to feel better by “helping” them is really an attempt to make yourself feel better by changing your circumstances.

They don’t need your help. You need your own help to focus on thoughts that feel good. Maybe thoughts about them and how capable and wise they are. But it’s still your thoughts that control how you feel and the reality you create.

Other people are as wise as you. Other people are as close to God as you. Other people have their own emotional guidance and experience as much as you. Other people’s happiness depends not on you but on God and their own thoughts.

So let them all off the hook. Other people are not your responsibility. You are not accountable for them or to them.

Everything is going as well for them as it is for you. They are as much on their path as you are on yours. Things are going very well for them, and you’d see it (and so would they) if you just stop focusing on thoughts that don’t feel good.

Other people’s bad moods

I used to feel responsibility and fear of other people’s bad moods and negative emotions.

But like everything in my experience, how I feel is not determined by circumstances (including the circumstance of other people being moody). How I feel is determined by my thoughts about circumstances.

For example: “he’s in a mood again!” feels pretty bad. I could sit, tense with anxiety, because I think someone expressing unhappiness or frustration is the foreshadowing of angry outbursts and cruel attacks on bystanders like me.

And in most cases I’d be wrong. Not just wrong, but blinded to the many positive aspects of the other person’s experience of contrast, blind to the value it holds for them and me, and at worst unwittingly contributing to the outcome I fear.

For all I know they might look up from their moderate feelings of frustration to catch me staring sidelong at them as if they are something horrible.

For all I know, my fearfulness contributes to their sense of dissatisfaction and overshadows the ease and happiness that is there even in the midst of a bad mood.

And for all I know the reality might be entirely benign. A moment’s contrast amidst a sea of calm, but I fly off in panic and stick the label “bad mood” over the whole day.

Is the bad mood in them or in me?

I don’t really know how other people are feeling, but if I’m sensing a dark and foreboding mood then that mood is active in me too.

Even if someone is in a bad mood, how does that effect me?

No, a bad mood is just another circumstance, and it’s my resistance that makes it seem so dire.

It’s therefore within my power to ease my thoughts and find relief, either by changing the subject of my focus or by telling a new story about it.

What is a bad mood?

What is a bad mood after all, except misaligned thoughts creating negative feelings.

The person in question is experiencing contrast, and their emotional guidance tells them their thoughts are out of alignment.

It’s actually nothing to do with me, anymore than my emotional guidance is the “fault” of others.

In fact my guidance is telling me, in my fear of others’ moods, that I have the wrong idea about them. Other people’s moods can have no impact on me, because other people do not create my experience.

Other people do not decide what thoughts I will think, what stories I will tell. Other people do not control my perception and focus.

When I was a child people’s bad moods scared me because I thought they were about me, reflections of my self giving rise to anger and malice in others. I interpreted their moods as judgement, and anticipated a terrible punishment to follow.

Now I’m an adult and I understand how things work. Other people’s negative emotions are not about me, but about their own thoughts, stories and perceptions.

Change your perception

I’m lying here on the couch and my wife is watching a video with headphones on, and it sounds like she’s sobbing her heart out.

Except she’s actually laughing her arse off, quietly so as not to wake the baby.

My thoughts lead me to hear crying before I hear laughter (don’t worry, I checked) and that’s just a matter of practice and momentum.

What kinds of thoughts can we have to help soften our experience of others’ emotions?

People are happy most of the time. People are usually in a good mood. People have their own emotional guidance to help them find alignment. People have their own inner being to call them always towards happiness and joy.

Sometimes people get stuck in their resistance but it’s okay. Being stuck just increases their desire for freedom.

And if people are resisting, and feeling really strong guidance, I hope they get it. I hope they heed the call. I hope they learn to feel good too, as good as I feel right now.

I’ve had my own resistance too. I’ve dug my own hole deeper than it ever needed to be, and that’s how I understand now that it was never necessary to increase my suffering.

I can really relate to people in a state of resistance feeling strong guidance, and that’s why I feel good for them. I know the joy and the trust and the ease and the freedom that flows to them, even though right at this moment they are looking away from it.

I know how good life can be for them, and with that loving intention I can let them go, knowing that they will find their answers too. Knowing that there’s nothing really “wrong” about a bad mood.