I’m choosing to feel good

All day we think thoughts and those thoughts prompt in us a feeling: positive or negative, enjoyable or not enjoyable, depending on the harmony or disharmony between these thoughts and our own inner being.

Our feelings are perfect feedback on the harmony or alignment between the thoughts we are focused on and the thoughts in our inner being.

Many of us learn to disregard this feedback. We are taught, both in words and by example, that some things are more important than our feelings.

Mostly we are taught “do as I say!” is more important! But there are many other things too: how others see us, working hard, being successful, being respected, following the rules, conforming to societal conventions, being realistic; we each have our own personal account of what is more important than feeling good.

But these thoughts do not feel good. They do not serve us. We do not benefit from ignoring our own feelings. And the best proof of this is that the ultimate justification of all such rules is “and then I will feel good”.

If I am perfect, then I will feel good. If I am successful, then I will feel good. If I please people, then I will feel good. If I work hard enough, then I will feel good.

These thoughts themselves do not feel good; but no one ever taught us to pay attention to that feeling and accept its guidance.

What might your life look like if you listened to that guidance and stopped believing things that don’t feel good?

I don’t have to work hard

I don’t have to be perfect

I don’t have to please anyone but myself

I don’t have to be “realistic”

I don’t have to explain myself

I am meant to enjoy life

My life is meant to be easy

I am creating my reality

I am choosing how I feel

I am directing my attention to thoughts that feel good.

I am enjoying this process

Everything I want is coming to me easily

I’m getting better and more practiced at choosing my thoughts and directing my attention.

Things I have wanted are coming to me easily as I feel better, and coming to me in ways I appreciate and prefer.

The world I’ve been creating has changed and will continue to change. It will always be in a state of evolution and becoming, expansion and enjoyment.

It’s a really nice day today

Recently I learned that I’d been approaching my work with a basic premise that didn’t serve me.

The premise was that if I understood myself and reality I would know how to avoid suffering and find happiness.

But some friends helped me recognise that this premise is just a belief, and that holding onto this belief did not feel good.

What if instead of seeking objective truths to believe in, I chose to believe things that feel good to me?

After all, the only reason I wanted the objective truth about reality was because I thought I would feel better.

Even knowing the limitations of knowledge and the dubiousness of objectivity…

In fact, my definition of “objective” really meant “keeping my feelings out of it”. So I was looking for truth to set me free, but dismissing my own emotional guidance as I examined truth after truth, hoping to find an answer that would “objectively” allow me to feel a subjective state of happiness.

It’s funny.

Imagine instead if your whole view of life was constructed out of thoughts that felt really good to you!

There’s no downside to that – there can’t be, because it wouldn’t be included among your beliefs.

Imagine feeling supported by every one of your beliefs, every thought in your head.

It’s a really nice day today, and I’m feeling very good.

The resistance is in me and you

There’s no resistance in reality, just resistance in me and in you.

Everything in reality is drawn to us by law of attraction.

It couldn’t persist in my reality unless I was attracting it to me.

That goes for everything from physical aches and pains to the tone of relationships, economic conditions, and even the ideas that come to me.

When we blame reality for how we feel we disempower ourselves. Resistance can’t survive in our reality unless it is alive in us.

If we start paying attention to the vibration of everything in our experience, we tune into how the law of attraction is operating.

What are the vibrational frequencies of the objects, people, circumstances and interactions around you? Can you feel them? They are nuanced, multifaceted, and constantly changing; but what you are feeling is a direct indicator of your own vibration.

If you can start tuning into the vibrations of things, asking “what is the vibration of this?” “What vibration am I attracting to me?” then you are no longer activating your own resistance.

Dynamic

As you start feeling the vibration of things in your reality, you are already changing your own vibration, which in turn changes your reality.

Relationships are a great example of this. I might be frustrated by my toddler’s behaviour, and if I try to feel the vibration of her behaviour I see that it matches the frustration and impatience in me.

But the moment I tune into her like that, I’m no longer activating my own vibration of impatience and frustration, and almost immediately I feel a different vibration from her. My openness to vibrational reality and my willingness to take responsibility for what is coming to me releases my resistance and I can suddenly appreciate her in a different light.

What’s actually happened is that my vibration has changed and law of attraction is bringing me an aspect of her that is a match to my new vibration.

Becoming aware of the vibrational feedback law of attraction is bringing to me tunes me into the whole dynamic and simultaneously improves my vibration, thereby allowing me to witness law of attraction in action.

It’s good to understand that we create our reality, but we also need to practice it somehow. Tuning into the vibration of what we are already attracting is a powerful way to release resistance and begin mindfully creating.

It’s a game…23!

Learning to have fun

When we are fixated on solving our problems or getting what we want out of life, things can seem pretty heavy and serious.

But as our emotional set-point improves, that heavy seriousness doesn’t belong anymore.

I’m discovering as I find myself more and more frequently feeling contentment that the path forward is completely different.

It’s like spending months in painful rehab and recovery and you finally have the strength to stand and walk, and now what? Painful rehab is not the purpose of life. That was just what it felt like to regain movement and strength, but when you’ve regained them life should not continue to feel like painful rehab.

In the Abraham-Hicks teachings the way forward is enjoyment and fun. Enjoyment is an essential part of our reason for being here, and the enjoyment of life should feel like fun.

Resistance to fun?

In years of life defined by negative emotions “fun” was never a welcome answer to my problems.

People told me I should just have fun and enjoy life. But their lives didn’t look like fun to me, and my own experience of fun didn’t seem to offer any answers to my problems.

And I was right: fun was not the answer…relief was the answer.

But now I’m in this turning point where relief has to transform into something else.

It’s like working hard to get out of debt…and then what? You’ve eschewed all kinds of luxuries and enjoyments for the sake of paying off the debt; what do you do with the money now?

How can fun be the answer?

After years of fun not being the answer, now it is the answer. Because when you feel good rather than bad, you’re ready to enjoy things in life.

I guess my problem is that I’ve spent so long looking for the deep and meaningful answers to life that I’m not tuned in to the levity and lightness of real enjoyment. I even overtly rejected fun and enjoyment because meaning seemed more important.

I’m recalibrating, tuning in to fun and enjoyment as the most important aspects of my experience, looking for enjoyment with the knowledge that whatever I focus on becomes bigger in my experience.

Bonus post: don’t forget relief!

This work is subtle.

Can you tell the difference between contentment versus trying to feel contentment?

Trying is never a good idea because it implies a denial or refusal to accept where you are.

It’s easy to think you’re in control, feel content, then find an old negative thought and lose your contentment.

How do you get back up? You can’t force it. You need relief.

Relief.

Relief can be used whenever you are feeling less than content. Relief is the feeling of resistance letting go, bringing you closer to alignment.

I’m told that after contentment, letting go of resistance feels like fun because the positive now outweighs the negative.

So wherever you are, find a feeling of relief until you eventually arrive at contentment (could be ten minutes, could be ten months, depending on subjects and individuals).

Ups and downs

In my experience on this journey I’ve run into two mistakes. The first is trying to get ahead of where I am instead of just feeling relief.

Relief always works, nothing else works better than relief. Use whatever thoughts bring you relief. Relief is a path that can’t fail unless you stumble into the second mistake of thinking:

“Well if relief is so great, more relief will be even greater!!”

This can trip us up because it sounds like we are still finding relief. But in fact we are rejecting relief for the sake of some unlikely thing called “more relief”. But relief is just relief, and rejecting it for any reason is a mistake.

New territory

I was going to say I’ve made three mistakes, but I’m cutting myself some slack on this one because it was new territory for me.

On arriving at the stage of contentment, relief doesn’t work anymore. I wasn’t expecting that, because I’ve never been to contentment so deliberately till now.

I didn’t know how to proceed, and since I was feeling pretty good I decided to try to feel “more good”.

It turns out that “more good” is like “more relief”, spurious and misleading.

What I will try to do next time is just enjoy the good feeling in the same way that I enjoy the relief feeling, without trying to make it more or bigger.

It’s a game…22!

I had an amazing experience recently where I was completely tuned in and aligned. I felt really good, and I knew exactly the right words to say, and I was funny! Perfect timing, the right words, and an unshakable good feeling.

This experience was so good that I wanted more. I had a taste of how good alignment feels and I wanted to return to it as soon as possible.

But it didn’t quite work out that way. I felt like I was making progress in feeling really good and finding alignment, but then I’d come crashing down and feel terrible.

This up and down cycle hit me a couple of times before I understood what was happening: I was desperate to feel alignment again, and rejecting where I was. I was no longer practicing contentment, relief, or feeling better. In other words, I was getting ahead of myself.

The answer…difficult thought it seemed…was to be content once more with how I was feeling and where I was, even though it wasn’t as amazing as alignment.

It sounds paradoxical, but this is still a vibrational game and you get out of it what you put into it. So if you put in contentment you get contentment, if you put in insufficiency you get insufficiency.

Where we trip ourselves up is that we think God responds to the intentionality of our vibrational states. We fear that if we are feeling contentment, God will say “okay, cool, if you’re happy I’ll just leave things the way they are.” We think the squeaky wheel gets the oil.

But that’s not how God operates. God says that if we believe we have received what we ask for, then it will be added to us.

So what does “insufficiency” do? It stops us receiving what we have asked for, and so it becomes more insufficiency.

That’s why chasing anything – including alignment – doesn’t work. Because it is driven by a sense of insufficiency or lack.

But if we can find contentment, we allow ourselves to receive more of the good feelings, ideas, and manifestations that match genuine contentment.

So embrace the paradox. Find contentment wherever you are and more will be added to you.

It’s a game…21!

Your inner being adores you, because you are the physical manifestation of its desire to experience time-space reality.

When you learn to love yourself in the same way you come into alignment with your inner being.

Your inner being also adores where you are, your physical circumstances. Because although it sees both the wanted and unwanted aspects of those circumstances, it focuses only on the wanted, and how these wanted aspects perfectly reflect your shared desires and preferences.

We can also learn to love our experience in the same way, if we focus more on appreciating the wanted and focus less on anything unwanted.

Just knowing that it is possible to adore where we are, helps us to find aspects of it to appreciate. Every little bit of appreciation helps, and as we practice appreciation we are allowing in more circumstances and experiences of a like nature.

This has always been implicit in the Abraham-Hicks teachings: find the feeling-place of what you desire. Feel good as if your desires were already right in front of you.

But it helps to know that even your present circumstances are overflowing with adorable aspects if you can just tune yourself into appreciating them.

Even things we take for granted are answers to our inner being’s desire to be here and experience this life: gravity that keeps everything on the ground, the air we breath, the light that illuminates our whole world, the earth beneath us and the sky above us.

There’s an abundance of things to appreciate and adore in every moment. And as we learn to see things this way, we come into alignment with our inner being and we release our resistance to the many other desired things and experiences flowing into our lives.

Freedom from desires

I’m beginning to understand why some spiritual teachings talk about having no desires.

It’s not that they have no desires or preferences, but that they have learned to find happiness independent of external conditions.

This is not an outright denial of desire, but an acknowledgement that we do not need to wait for the fulfilment of desire in order to feel good.

Just thinking about the things we desire brings us the good feeling, so long as we don’t counteract it with thoughts of obstacles and unwanted conditions.

But “freedom from desire” is not as advertised. More like freedom from conditionality. Freedom from requiring desires to be physically manifested before we can feel good.

You don’t need to eliminate desires. You can’t. Just recognise that you can feel good right now without needing to see it first. Blessed are those who believe without seeing.

It’s a game…20!

The good news about boredom.

I get bored easily. I have friends who get bored a lot, and it can feel like the bane of our existence.

Not to mention the nagging feeling that it’s our fault. If only we were out living more adventurous and fulfilling lives full of people and activities.

“I don’t have time to be bored, too busy having fun!” taunts the inner voice of imagined instagramable extroverts. “Just get out there and live life!”

So the first bit of good news is that they’re wrong. Taking action to overcome boredom doesn’t work, as you well know. When you are bored everything you touch gets infected by the dissatisfying ennui.

If you’re frequently and strongly bored, then you’re obviously not in a place to embrace sudden inspiration. Ignore those people who make it sound like boredom would no longer be a problem if only you’d love more like them.

So what can you do to relieve boredom?

Well the second bit of good news is that this is the wrong question to be asking. Trying to get rid of boredom doesn’t work because you can’t push things out of your experience by giving them attention.

The right question is this:

How can I feel better about being bored?

Finding relief

The third and biggest bit of good news about boredom is that it’s actually a very high emotional state! It’s the highest you can get while still being negative.

I used to think boredom proved that life was bad, because it was often the best I felt. When nothing bad was going on I just felt bored.

If only I had known how close boredom is to contentment! Boredom is one step away from contentment on the emotional guidance scale. Having lots of boredom, being frequently bored; this is excellent news because it means you are frequently so close to contentment!!!

All it takes to go from boredom to contentment is a little relief. Just knowing that boredom is so close will help. Next time you feel bored, look for relief not in the direction of excitement or inspiration or enthusiasm because that is too big a jump. Instead look for relief in the direction of being content.

All those times I felt bored I was focused on the lack of excitement and enthusiasm and interest and novelty. But if I had instead started appreciating what I already had: lying on the couch with the window streaming sunlight over me, nothing needing my attention, no one hassling me. No effort required, no jobs to be done. Appreciating the stability and security of my home. Appreciating being in my body and relaxing.

Just look for relief that feels like contentment, and when you feel content let that be enough for you.

Turning lead into gold

I think it was Jung who popularised the idea that alchemy was about inner transformation. Turning “base metals” into gold was really about turning boredom and other negative emotions into contentment and other positive ones.

Isn’t it wonderful then to know that all your boredom can become gold? Instead of complaining about how often you feel bored, isn’t it exciting to realise that you are that often on the verge of contentment?

The lead of boredom can become the gold o contentment. All it takes is the practice of finding relief in that direction.

After all, if you are feeling bored it means first and foremost that you have everything you need. And since you create your reality that means you have allowed yourself to receive so much already.

You are right on the tipping point, and now that supposed bane of your experience is the threshold to your happiness.

It’s a game…19!

If I were helping a friend navigate the “create your reality” game, how would I go about it?

Be honest…where are you emotionally?

The first thing would be an honest assessment of where you are emotionally on a daily basis.

For many people this is straightforward: a mix of positive and negative emotion.

For others it is predominantly negative emotion.

And for a minority it is both negative and also obscured by defence mechanisms like emotional inhibition.

That’s not to say this third group is lacking positive emotions, just that it isn’t immediately clear to them how they are feeling.

Some people can’t tell the difference between how they feel, and how they think they should feel.

Feeling good…or just a little less bad?

Where you are emotionally will determine the next step.

If you are in a mix of positive and negative emotion, your aim would be to focus on the positives and stop activating the negatives.

Whatever is going well for you, draw on that more. When negatives arise you can start finding better-feeling thoughts on those subjects.

If you’re feeling really good you can even start visualising and imagining things you’d enjoy having in your life!

But if you’re more on the negative end of the scale these efforts would backfire. Trying to feel really good when you’re in a persistently negative place is like trying to go jogging when you’re meant to be in rehab.

Vibrational rehab

People who feel persistently bad have usually spent many years practicing patterns of thoughts and attitudes that cause negative emotion.

One of these patterns is called “all-or-nothing” thinking in cognitive behavioural therapy. That’s the kind of thinking that says “learning to walk again is too slow, I’m going to start running!” Or “getting out of debt won’t solve my problems, I need to get rich right now!”

Or more directly if these analogies don’t grab you: “feeling less bad isn’t enough. I want to feel amazing!”

At the heart of this all-or-nothing attitude is resistance that leads to impatience and self-sabotage. You may not think you are sabotaging yourself but the bottom line is feeling so bad about where you are that you’ll only make a move if you’re guaranteed a radical and immediate transformation.

The challenge here is that accepting a small improvement means acknowledging how bad you feel already. We want to think we are close to our goal of feeling wonderful, and the more modest goal of feeling “slightly less awful” is like a slap in the face.

Learning to focus

But like any skill, deliberately feeling good cannot be faked. Whatever your learning process looks like (and biting off more than you can chew is also a learning process) the end result must include the ability to soothe negative emotions and allow positive ones to gain momentum.

I’ve spent three years working on this material, after more than 30 years of developing habits of thought that didn’t serve me – as well as many that did serve me.

The best way is to practice feeling slight relief. Deliberately finding a feeling of relief repeatedly throughout your day.

Finding relief is the mechanism of alignment. It is the way of opening up to the pure positive energy of your inner being.

Don’t think that slight relief is “not enough”. Just like the rehab example: relief is to feeling good as learning to bear weight on your legs is to running.

There’s not a single skill you’ve ever learned that didn’t start with the most modest attempt. Children must learn to sit up before they can stand, stand before they can walk, and walk before they can run. At not a single point do they beat themselves up for not running straight away.

Feeling good is something you’ve never deliberately practiced before. Cut yourself all the slack in the world and practice feeling relief, and applaud yourself every time you do!