Practicing happiness 22

Exploring the relationship between wealth and body weight helped me recognise the feelings of insecurity, insufficiency and vulnerability that are helping create my reality.

Wishing I had more wealth or feeling bad about lack of wealth turned out to be self-deceptions that kept me from noticing how I feel at a deeper level.

Living a “marginal” existence reflects my fear of external forces, my desire to withdraw into safety even if that means making do with material insufficiency.

Yet there’s another beautiful paradox at the core of it: because wealth to me means or feels like sufficiency, security, and invulnerability….things I had already regarded as beyond me.

Denying my own sufficiency, security, and invulnerability, I thought it better to treat that awful state as “true” and adapt to it as best I could. Make the most of subjugation and try to limit my exposure to damage and suffering.

I really thought it was true, hence the terror I felt. It is terrifying to be convinced of your own insufficiency, insecurity, and vulnerability in a hostile world, and believe that no one and nothing is coming to save you.

It felt like an improvement to say “that’s just the way it is” and quash any hope it might be different. It seemed like progress to put all the pressure and burden on my own internal efforts to transform myself.

“Grow up”, “this is just life”, but I held onto my spiritual goal, thinking I could somehow transcend the limitations of this ****** existence.

But I was wrong. I was wrong to accept that I am insufficient, insecure, and vulnerable. I was wrong to believe in hostile and cruel external forces. I was wrong to think I am powerless unless I somehow met the requirements of spiritual transformation.

My thoughts create my reality – so I made that my truth, but it doesn’t have to be. I can change my thoughts and change my reality. I can allow sufficiency, security, and invulnerability to be my reality. I can deny the ability of any external force to create my reality. I can accept and allow the power already and always within me.

Real freedom, real security, real sufficiency real invulnerability — I can allow these with my thoughts and begin enjoying them immediately.

My life is my creation, and I can choose what goes in it – thoughts that feel good or thoughts that don’t. It’s entirely up to me. And when I change my thoughts my reality really does change. I feel it, and I see it, and that process of deliberate creation is the most satisfying and delightful thing of all. It’s the meaning and purpose of my existence – freedom, expansion, and joy.

4 thoughts on “Practicing happiness 22

  1. “If wishes were horses.” The real security and invulnerability you talk about are subjective. You don’t create reality, but neither are you at its mercy. Your mind is not reality’s master, but neither is it reality’s slave. I think you will gain more power by examining what wealth, freedom, and security really means instead of convincing yourself that you already possess or lack it.

    • Reality itself is subjective. You can even (if you want) insist that it is objective and find evidence to support that and ignore evidence that contradicts it, but it’s still your own thoughts that filter and shape your whole experience.
      What would be the point of finding out what those things “really” mean? The outcome of such a search would be to change your thoughts, give yourself a sense of certainty, reassure yourself that you’re supported by evidence and fact…all subjective states. And who determines the parameters of what these things “really mean” in the first place? That in itself is subjectively determined. There is no such thing as objective reality without subjective thought first framing it as such.

      • If you look into the essence of wealth, security, etc I think you’ll see there are many ways to think about them. This is in line with what you say about reality being subjective. I’d put it more as becoming aware of different interpretations of the same thing. There’s no limit to the number of frames through which you can view. The point that I really want to make is that knowledge of and seeking out these different meanings does not compromise your ability to choose your subjective reality. It may even facilitate it. This is where I think the word ‘reality’ doesn’t work so well in that it implies something fixed.

        • Yeah, I see where you are coming from (or at least i think I see, and subjectively that’s good enough 😉 ). I tend not to survey the range of available interpretations because I already have a kind of feeling-sense for the direction I want to go.

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