Manifestations cannot make us feel bad, only thoughts can. So what thoughts am I thinking that make me feel bad occasionally?
I asked for clarity and the answer I received is that my whole outlook is problem-minded. I look at life as a problem I have to solve, and everything hinges on how well I solve it.
That’s a really familiar theme for me: many important subjects have had this exact same feel of “gotta keep working on it!”
And with this in mind I remember when it began. As a teenager I was simultaneously depressed and looking for something that would give me meaning, happiness, and belonging. My friends and peers all seemed to be enjoying life in ways that didn’t appeal to me.
Then one day I found a mysterious book that claimed “enjoying life” was a distraction and folly; that real meaning and happiness and fulfilment lay in spiritual awakening, and the sooner we set out on that path the better.
Finding spiritual truth, enlightenment, and closeness to God became my private obsession, but I approached it as a problem to be solved, the problem to be solved if life is to have any value or meaning whatsoever.
Life became synonymous with this struggle.
But the only reason you want that…
As with any other desire, I can now agree that the only reason I wanted to solve the problem of life was that I thought I would feel better in solving it.
And as the Abraham-Hicks teachings have shown me, I can feel that good already. Because even “solving the problem of life” is a manifestation, and it’s not manifestations that make us feel good, it’s our thoughts.
In setting up life as a problem to solve, I made “uphill struggle” part of my core experience. I gave momentum to the thought that life has a hidden truth that must be discovered and only the diligent and unrelenting will find it.
I told myself I was virtuous for ignoring and devaluing material possessions and worldly experiences, when really I was severely depressed and probably not strongly inclined to such things by temperament.
Find the feeling place
What do I really want? Ultimately I want to feel good. That’s really important to me. It always has been, but I used to think feeling good had to be earned or justified somehow.
Spiritual enlightenment is just about feeling good, knowing how to feel good, and doing it consistently. People describe different paths and methods and practices but I think those are just each person’s “how I learned to feel good” story.
I don’t have to solve any problems. There are no problems to solve unless I make them. Accepting this, it’s possible for me to simply walk through that door to a good feeling place…no password, no key, no code to decipher to merit entry.
I’ve been banging on that door for twenty something years, but it was always open and always will be for us all.