It’s such a beautiful day. It’s overcast, crisp and fresh. I’ve lit some incense on the front porch and come out to sit with my morning coffee and write.
The clouds are diffusing the morning light so it seems to come from everywhere. I feel like every physical object is slightly luminous, and maybe the air itself too.
Every day is beautiful. Every physical thing is glowing with a mysterious inner radiance.
That inner radiance is God’s light.
My greatest desire
I tried for many years to see all things in God and God in all things. I believed I could find enlightenment, be freed from ignorance and delusion, see reality the way it truly is.
But my approach was “all or nothing”. I hated my life and wanted something entirely new, transcendent, unobscured.
And isn’t hating life supposedly how you save it?
Well not in my case.
I’ve learned so much and come so far these past two years. I’m no longer depressed, and I feel anxiety losing its hold as well.
The answer to depression was my focus on feeling better, then feeling good, then feeling good all day. It took time and practice, but not much of either, relative to my years of depression.
The answer to anxiety seems like trust and allowing and letting go of the oars. I’m slowly but steadily practicing trust, noticing the thoughts that build it and those that don’t.
As these negative emotions diminish, I’m no longer all or nothing. I’m not looking for one violent solution anymore.
And it suddenly struck me, as I learn about desire, happiness, and trust in God, that I still want to have that vision. I still want to see God in all things, not as the answer to a question or the solution to a problem or as freedom from suffering and struggles, but for the sheer joy of it.
It feels so good to see that divine light subtly radiating from every being, in me and around me. It feels so good to feel the whole world of my experience shining with that invisible presence.
This is my greatest desire, and now I know it as a purely positive experience desired for its own sake and a source and a fulfilment of sheer delight.
To be aligned with your desire is to be aligned with God, and there is nothing closer to God than seeing Him in all things and all things in Him.
Except it will grow closer still, because this alignment and this intimacy with our own Source is infinite. The more we enjoy it, the stronger it gets, and the more we enjoy it, and the stronger it gets.