Trying instead of doing.
There’s a difference between trying to feel good and actually feeling good. There’s a big gap between feeling satisfaction and just telling yourself you’re satisfied.
It’s time to recalibrate.
I noticed a pain in my SI joint returning, which happens whenever I push myself to do something, whenever I think “I just have to do this from now on…”
Feeling good shouldn’t require any real effort, just persistent practice. But four days in, the feeling of effort and tension is telling me I’m “trying” rather than doing.
Actually feeling good
Course corrections like this are exciting because it means I’ve made enough progress to have something to correct!
I’ve done something different for the past five days, enough that I’m now wanting to refine my course and check where I’m heading.
But I’m heading somewhere! That’s actually exciting and a great affirmation.
In practice, what I’m doing to correct my course is to spend more time actually feeling good, rather than just thinking about it.
To actually feel good requires stepping back from normal activities. The kind of good feeling I’m after is visceral. It comes with a deep breath slowly released. It comes with a feeling of genuine physical relaxation and relief.
It comes with a change in focus away from my present reality and into a vague and general good feeling.
It comes with a sense of ease and letting go of complicated details and specifics.
And with it comes a desire for more, a sense of anticipation as if I’m close to some kind of great revolution or turning point in my life.
It comes with a sense of something vastly greater than myself, a spiritual Being that is pure and transcendent and increasingly within reach.
Making this transcendent yet immanent Being the centre of my reality is the goal, because it is within this Being that my greatest and unconditional happiness resides.