A couple of years ago I wrote a super-intense, psychologically-driven diet book.
The heart of the diet was making a commitment to only eat when you are genuinely hungry, and only eat enough to sate that need for physical nourishment.
The rest of the book was about understanding why this approach works, and finding clarity around our true motivations for eating.
If you commit to the rule of only eating for nourishment, then it immediately becomes clear how often we are eating for other reasons, typically as an escape from unpleasant emotions. Excessive body weight is then best understood as just a by-product or symptom of eating for these other reasons.
Isn’t happiness the same?
Today it hit me that my desire to feel good is very very similar to my approach to diet.
The underlying premise is that we are meant to feel good, and that we would naturally feel good if we weren’t doing something to interfere with this natural state.
Just like we would naturally arrive at a healthy body weight if we weren’t interfering with our appetite, using food and the experience of eating as an escape from feeling bad.
The most confronting moment in my diet journey was contemplating a future of never again using food as an escape. It was an incredibly daunting thought, but I gradually saw that it was the next logical step for me. And so I resigned myself to fundamentally changing how I related to food.
The same sense of a daunting, yet logical next step is now arising in the context of happiness. Because I know from experience that I can feel good simply by focusing on better-feeling thoughts like contentment and appreciation.
And I know in theory that my circumstances cannot prohibit me from finding better-feeling thoughts.
So the situation is simple: I can choose, if I will, to focus on better-feeling thoughts all of the time.
Making a commitment
It’s a bit like committing to get up early every morning and do some exercise.
The next logical step is that I commit myself to make better-feeling thoughts my rule, and view worse-feeling thoughts as exceptional, accidental setbacks.
Without this commitment I’m liable to continue haphazardly feeling good when I remember to, and making little overall change to my consistent emotional state.
At first it’s going to take some effort, because I’m accustomed to just letting my mind wander all over the place.
But to be honest I prefer an “all or nothing” approach over an incremental one.
If this process continues to mirror my diet journey I’ll likely break my commitment a number of times over the next few days and maybe weeks.
Yet each time I break it, I’ll reinforce my intention to stay on track.
Discovering what a happy life looks like
Part of what kept me so intensely motivated during my diet journey was that I had never really been in the “normal” weight range as an adult. I’d always been 10-20 kgs overweight.
So I was inspired by my desire and curiosity to experience life differently, to see what it was like to finally be in the normal BMI range.
Once I got there and maintained it for a year or so the inspiration ran out, and other demands like a new baby changed my eating habits.
The old resolve is hard to recapture, because I already accomplished that body weight goal. I’m not curious about it anymore.
But I am profoundly curious and inspired to see what life will look like when I am consistently happy and feeling good.
Happiness is harder to measure than body weight, but my experience has shown me that small improvements make a big difference.
I also have faith that how we feel is intrinsic to the creation of our reality and the shaping of our individual experience of life.
When you feel really good, bad or irritating or disappointing things cannot insert themselves into your reality anymore.
Feeling good….feels good!
Finally, it’s actually very sensible to learn how to feel good all the time, because feeling good feels good after all!
And on reflection it’s actually deeply silly that we spend so much time either fixating on things that feel bad, or simply letting our attention drift and gravitate into whatever old patterns we have already formed.
It feels bad to feel bad, so why do it if you don’t have to?